Select a relationship scenario template below to map out and classify its separate agency vectors. No data is ever uploaded or stored.
Map what you can act on
Use the map to separate your choices, decisions that need agreement, and choices that belong to the other person.
- Mine: My actions, limits, words, and next step.
- Shared: A decision only both people can make together.
- Theirs: Their choices, response, timing, and participation.
- My next step: What I will do independently, including whether to pause, leave, or revisit the conversation.
Six scenario categories
- Contact and waiting
- Space and closeness
- Trust and privacy
- Breakup and no contact
- Respect and autonomy
- Plans and future
How to use the map
- Choose or describe a situation.
- Separate what was observed from what is assumed, then map each person's choices and any shared decision.
- Review whether a statement is a request, a proposed agreement, or a personal boundary.
- Rehearse what you want to say and decide what you can do next.
Your summary
- The moment you mapped
- Your need
- Your request
- A proposed shared agreement
- Your personal action
The summary brings together the mapped situation, your need and request, a proposed shared agreement, and your personal action. Your entries stay in this tab's memory unless you choose to copy or print them.
Read the guide: setting a boundary without letting guilt decide
Three worked situations
Anonymized examples adapted from the scenario catalog for practice; they are not user testimonials or research findings.
They asked for space and I want to keep texting
Situation: Distance feels like rejection, so it is hard to actually respect the pause.
Space and closeness
- Observed facts: They asked for space and I keep wanting to reach out.
- My need: I need some predictability during the pause.
- My request: Can we set a date and time to reconnect?
- The other person's choice: How much contact they can handle right now.
- Proposed shared agreement: Unless there's an emergency, we pause contact until the agreed time.
- My personal action: I won't keep messaging before the reconnect; I'll get support from elsewhere.
A friend keeps cancelling our plans
Situation: My time is held open while plans keep changing or staying unconfirmed.
Plans and future
- Observed facts: They have cancelled or left plans unconfirmed more than once.
- My need: I need reliability and respect for my time.
- My request: When plans need to change, can you tell me early and offer another time?
- The other person's choice: What plans they can commit to.
- Proposed shared agreement: If a plan is unconfirmed by the agreed time, we treat it as not happening.
- My personal action: If a plan isn't confirmed, I'll schedule my own things and stop holding time.
They check my phone or ask for my password
Situation: Privacy gets framed as proof of loyalty, and refusing feels unsafe.
Trust and privacy
- Observed facts: They check my phone or pressure me to share access.
- My need: I need control of my accounts, devices, and privacy.
- My request: Please don't access my phone, passwords, or location without my active consent.
- The other person's choice: Whether they respect my digital privacy.
- Proposed shared agreement: We can agree on transparency that doesn't require unlimited device access.
- My personal action: If pressured to hand over access, I'll protect accounts and end this conversation.